I HAVE AN ETERNITY AHEAD OF ME: VOL. 2 VICTORY!: AUNTIE YONNY EPISODE 76 WHO AM I IN CHRIST?

 

I HAVE AN ETERNITY AHEAD OF ME: VOL. 2 VICTORY!

(Intermittent Waves Recorded From The Transformed Heart Of A Woman)

AUNTIE YONNY: EPISODE 76  
WHO AM I IN CHRIST? Part 1

Learning who we are in Christ is a process that often takes us unaware. 

* Temptations, hidden snares,
often take us unawares,
and our hearts are made to bleed for
any thoughtless word or deed;
and we wonder why the test
when we try to do our best,
but we’ll understand it better by and by

Borgya didn't look forward to going back to Russia and being surrounded by family and friends. There would be mourning and crying by those who loved his father and by those who pretended to do so. He knew that his Uncle Priest was most effected by his father's death. The brothers were inseparable. -And, although his father was the elder of the two, his father had always let his brother take the lead, knowing that he would always consult him first, due to their deep respect for one another.  It was a bond of deep and dark secrets that would never be told.

Borgya boarded the private jet that would be making the continental flight. Deep in thought, he instinctively set out for the bar and grabbed a bottle of vodka. It would be a long flight and with long and sorrowful days to face ahead of him, he didn't want to face either one sober. So, he began to try to drink his pain and sorrows away, hoping he could drown them or become so numb that he couldn't feel them. As the alcohol began to take effect, he fell asleep, cradling the bottle in his arms, not wanting to wake up without his painkiller close at hand.

The flight was uneventful. Borgya stayed to himself and watched movie after movie, while he downed one drink after another.  Whenever the alcohol numbed his body and his mind, then, he slept. He awoke to a sudden jerk forward and grabbed the arms of his seat to keep from falling to the floor. The plane had landed. He looked out of the window and across the runway to the airport terminal. He was home in Moscow. A black limousine drove onto the runway heading toward them. Borgya knew that it had to be their ride to the citadel that surrounded their ancestral home.

Borgya took a deep breath that reminded him that he had not showered or shaved in quite some time. His clothes wreaked of stale alcohol and were stained with food he had dropped all over himself while shoving it into his mouth. He knew that he would have to get cleaned up before meeting with family. They would have enough to say already about his behavior. It was best not to give them anymore to criticize, he thought.

Brushing the crumbs off of his seat onto the floor, he felt the aftereffects of too much drinking. It was all that he could do to make his way down the stairs onto the runway and stagger to the limousine. He thought he had time before running into any family member, but upon opening the door of the limousine, he was met by the one person he dreaded seeing the most, his Uncle Priest. His uncle stared at him as he stumbled into the car. Borgya knew that behind those dark sunglasses were eyes that looked upon him with disgust and anger. He slumped down into the seat, not wanting to hear what would surely turn out to be a good scolding, followed by threats of punishment. It wasn't that he was so much afraid of his uncle's wrath. He knew he had it coming, but, he had already started to punish himself. Still, he sat quietly and gave his uncle the respect he deserved.

Not saying a word, his uncle passed a small black box to him. When he looked at his uncle, puzzled, his Uncle Priest simply said, "Open it."

Nervously handling the box, Borgya opened the lid. Inside was an old but obviously expensive and well-kept watch. Borgya looked at Priest again, inquisitively. What was this? Was it a gift? For What?

After some time, Priest finally broke his silence. In the beginning, his voice was shaky, as if what he was going to say hurt him to talk about.

"That watch was given to me by your father. It belonged to our father before he died--before he..he..he was...killed. My brother...your father...stepped up to be a man. Me,...I--I--I was too angry to be of help to anyone. All I wanted was revenge. Your father saw it differently. He was...he was always the level-headed one...quiet, silent, but never abandoning his responsibility to his family. He was d-dif-different. He didn't want this type of life for himself or for you.

I was ready to throw away everything in order to taste the revenge I hungered for, but Dmitrii stopped me. Our father had given him this watch because, as the oldest son, he was next in line. Dmitrii was deserving of it. He was good at everything he did. There was never a better soldier. Always the good student, he knew the business and he was smart. Smarter than me...and... stronger than me in mind and body. 

When I insisted upon getting revenge and wouldn't listen to him, he knocked me down on my behind. He took off this watch and pressed it into my hand. Take it he said! Take it! It's your time now! Don't waste it! This is not the way! You'll be dead by morning if you go after the killer. It's your time now, he shouted! Use it wisely to build something better for our family.

Dmitrii didn't want to follow in our father's footsteps, but I did. Instead, he helped me build legitimate businesses for our family with the money inherited from our father. -But, when he saw that I wouldn't let go of the other business, the violence and killing, he stayed by my side to advise me and keep me out of trouble. Dmitrii was the head of the family, I was just the front guy. Now, I feel lost without him. I'm...I'm a...I-I-I'm lost....uh...uh.. a lost soul. I always was Borgya, but your father loved me anyway. 

He...he...was always afraid for you Borgya. When you were a child, he could tell that you were more like me than him. You looked up to me and what I did because you wanted to be a tough guy like me. -But...your father...but your father was the tough guy. He carried us all on his shoulders. He was the real man who humbled himself. 

I see why he was afraid for you now. What...what you...d-d-did that night..."

Priest bowed his head, heaved a heavy sigh and was silent, holding back tears. Borgya began shaking from the pain of the memories that rushed through his mind. He could see the dead bodies and blood all around him. He remembered the numbness he felt, pulling the trigger of his gun and plunging his knife into the flesh of men only to see the agony upon their faces. He was a lost soul, too, and he knew it after that night. Life seemed empty and the future hopeless. He felt that he didn't need a watch. He needed a shovel to bury himself, for he felt dead inside.

Borgya handed the watch back to his Uncle Priest. 

"Thanks, but no thanks."

"Yeeeees, that's what I did the first time, too. (Priest laughed) Then, Dmitrii shoved the watch back at me and threatened to kill me if I didn't take it. I'm not going to threaten you, but the watch is yours, when you are ready for it. It will be your time, soon, very soon. The family needs you, Borgya. They don't need an old soldier like me, who knows nothing else but fighting and killing. They need someone to lead them out of this sin and misery."

"You aren't going anywhere any time soon, Uncle Priest. I can't lose both of you."

"Dmitrii used to constantly remind me that tomorrow isn't promised to any of us."

Thinking of all the men he had killed, Borgya knew he was right. 

"-But, but Uncle Priest...why me?"

"-Because losing your father has made me realize that...that...that he...he was wrong! He was wrong about you, and he was even wrong about me. We do what we do because we don't know who we are!!!

Now, without his older brother beside him to cover up everything, this old man can see what he has become! I'm lost and I don't know who I am anymore! Perhaps, I never knew. (Priest shook his head hopelessly) I never did. I thought that money was all that was important to me. I took my brother for granted and should have heeded his words. -And now...now...all the money in the world can't bring back Dmitrii!!! 

Long ago, I gained enough wealth and power to destroy the man who killed our father. -But, after destroying the man, it didn't bring back my father. It made me become my father--a killer. So, what have I done with my life?!! Dmitrii told me to use my time wisely, but I've wasted my life. Who am I? I'm like a fictional character hiding in the shadows always playing cloak and dagger. I lost myself in my quest for wealth and revenge. -But God help me! I will do my best to see that that doesn't happen to you! I owe it to Dmitrii."

"It's...it's too...too late uncle. I already feel lost."

"No, it's not too late. You're just in a lot of pain. We both are. We'll get through this together. You'll see. I will stand by your side like your father stood by me."

As they passed by an old church, the last building before turning into the citadel, the bells of the church rang out. Priest looked out of the limousine window at the old church his mother often took him to as a child.

"Your father and I were altar boys at this church."

"Yes, I know. He talked about it every time we passed the church."

Priest laughed loudly.

"Did he tell you why he started calling me priest?"

"Yes, because when the priest turned his back, you used to mock him and make fun of him."

Priest continued laughing, thinking about the good times when he and Dmitrii were young. Then, he stopped abruptly and stared at Borgya with a serious look on his face.

"Your father believed in salvation and redemption. He wanted me to disband our organization and not take any more contracts. I told him that it was too late for me. I had too much blood on my hands. I told him that there is no redemption for men like me. Dmitrii slapped me and told me that it's never too late."

"I've never seen my father hit you."

"Oh, he would never strike me when you or anyone else was around. Dmitrii was respectful like that, but he let me know when he was angry with me and why. Once, he gave me a good thrashing for not respecting our mother.

Dmitrii took good care of our parents, especially our mother. He went to church with her every Sunday, until she became too old and ill. While she was bedridden, he read the Bible to her every night and prayed with her. That's when he stopped going out with us on any assignments.

Dmitrii always claimed that I was still alive because of our mother's prayers. Your father believed and he begged me to stop and change my life before...before it was really too late...and...someone killed me."

"Do you still think it's too late, Uncle Priest, that is, for men like us?"

"I...I'm praying that Dmitrii was right, and he didn't slap me for no good reason. Yes, I'm praying that he was right.  We're still here for a reason. Perhaps, God has been standing by, waiting for lost sinners like us to find out who we are supposed to be. Perhaps, the only way He could wake us up was to remove the one we loved most. 

Yes, perhaps, there is redemption for a man like me. You? I believe there is definitely time and a reason for you to change. I want you working with me now, not just for me, and not as a soldier, anymore. Someone has to be in charge of the family businesses when I'm gone. You need to start now, today. -And, for that, you must no longer smell like a herd of wild animals. -And, put the bottle down."

Borgya lowered his head, ashamed of his present state. He knew that the stench must be almost unbearable for those around him. He could hardly stand to smell himself.

"I've tried to drown my troubles in alcohol, too. It doesn't work. If you need help with anything, let me know. When we get home, we'll use my private entrance. Use my room to get cleaned up and put on some of my clothes, something nice, but not too formal. We have plenty of guest, family and friends. You must make a good impression as the next head of the family. I want them to know how proud your father and I are of you. I don't expect you to stick around all day, but at least try to meet all of the guest and thank them for coming."

The talk was not what Borgya expected. He was relieved of the pressure that had been building up to that moment, but at the same time he felt anxious about all of the people who had come for his father's funeral and the expectations everyone now had of him. After hearing his uncle talk about his father, he knew that he could never fill his father's shoes. His father had a confidence about him, like he knew who he was and why he was alive. At that moment, Borgya had no idea who he really was or what was his true purpose. Was he born just to take his father's place or was there something that he could claim as his own?

When they arrived at the mansion, Borgya followed Priest into his room and immediately jumped into the shower. Afterwards, he went to look for some clothes in Priest's walk-in closet. There on top of the dresser, was the box with his grandfather's watch. He didn't know why, but he took it out of the box, put it on, and continued to look for something to wear. Yes, he wanted the watch, but did he want the responsibility that went along with it? Time would tell he thought, using an old cliché, but what would time reveal to him? What would God reveal to him? Did he really believe in God?  He wondered why his father believed so strongly.

**WE WILL UNDERSTAND IT BETTER BY AND BY

    Author: Charles Albert Tindley (1905)

1 We are often tossed and driv’n

on the restless sea of time,

somber skies and howling tempest

oft succeed a bright sunshine;

in that land of perfect day,

when the mists have rolled away,

we will understand it better by and by.

Refrain:

By and by, when the morning comes,

when the saints of God are gathered home,

we’ll tell the story,

how we’ve overcome,

for we’ll understand it better by and by.

2 We are often destitute

of the things that life demands,

want of food and want of shelter,

thirsty hills and barren lands;

we are trusting in the Lord,

and according to the Word,

we will understand it better by and by. [Refrain]

3 Temptations, hidden snares,

often take us unawares,

and our hearts are made to bleed for

any thoughtless word or deed;

and we wonder why the test

when we try to do our best,

but we’ll understand it better by and by. [Refrain]